Now I do feel really depressed. Today was my last day in Radiology for my clinical rotations. Oh well, I think I might go back there for my month observation....of course, I'll probably be saying that about every place I go to until these next four weeks are over. Next week, I observe physical therapy. This one I have been big on for quite a while, so we'll see how I feel about it. Tomorrow, I'm back in the hospital for the Athletic Heart Scan. I've been at the hospital(outside of the classroom) so much this week, I feel like it's my second home. Woohoo!! I love my Health Occupations class. This is the best thing I could have ever done.

Oh dear....I feel, kind of depressed for some reason. I just feel like I'm on a totally different track than the rest of the people in my world. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm just realizing that I don't want what I thought I wanted for the past 2 yrs, or it might be that I'm just realizing I need to stop trying out what other people are doing and just make my own path.

I've decided(for the moment) to go into radiology as my career. I would go to Parkland for two yrs, live at Newman, then possibly specialize in nuclear medicine or some other sort of specific area. Very easy, I would be done in 3-4 yrs, I would be able to get a good paying job, with little to no debt. If I did physical therapy, I would be in college for 5-6 yrs, I would still get the good paying job, but I would be in a bucketload of debt which is something I quite honestly don't want to deal with. Oh geez, I can't believe I'm making this decision! When did I become an adult??

On the terms of relationships....I'm just saying to heck with it for the moment. Right now, I have more important things. Guys have rarely been interested in me like that, so I'm just gonna say screw it all and if some guy actually wants to try to catch me, then he better have a lifetime supply of running shoes, 'cause he's gonna need 'em.(this is something someone said to my piano teacher, which I believe applies to her as well as me) Also, to two of my best friends(one for the guys, the other for girls), congrats on finally coming out with it!(Now I don't have to cancel the wedding plans) Anyway, with me, if guy wants me, he will most likely know where I am and how to get a hold of me, so let him try to follow me. If he can't, tough luck and pull yourself to the side of the road so another guy doesn't trip on you.

I said in the above paragraph I have more important things than guys to think about. This is going to come as a shocker to a lot of people, but I believe I need to just stop thinking about guys and concentrate solely on what makes *me* happy. Thinking about guys makes me depressed and causes me to think no one in the world loves me and blah blah blah blah. So, let's see if I can stop thinking about guys. Oh boy, this'll be great! Anyway, I realize I need to concentrate on my schooling instead of guys. A guy will find me when I'm ready for the guy, so I just forget about it and do my own thing.

Ok, done ranting, see ya laterz!

Renwen

January, 2010. My first post of the new year. Short, sweet and to the point.

I am soooo excited! I was looking on my homeschool curriculum's message board and I felt this sudden rush of joy as I clicked on "English 11 & 12" because I will be a senior this fall!! I WILL BE DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER!! Well, at least until my kids(future) are in high school. I'm also excited that Lakeland will be starting up soon. I love going there. It gives me a chance to get out and be with a bunch of people. One meets a lot of interesting people in the community college area. A lot of cute males as well.

Philo. Thought:

Why should we just like moments, music, general innocent pleasures in life instead of embracing them with as much as gusto as we can?

Oh my, when I last posted...I don't remember. I will say I have changed some. I guess you could say I'm more mature than I used to be...to some extent. I am sitting here and watching my friends as they go through life, thinking that I will have to be there some day. That some day has turned into today. I have just realized that this summer I'll be taking pictures for my last year of high school. I have been dreaming of this moment for a long time and now I'm wondering where the time went. Before I know it, I'll be packing up for college and moving out. It makes me think of this one country song where one of the lyrics is "You'll wish it hadn't gone by so fast." I look back on my past few years of life and realize that I really don't wish it hadn't gone by so fast. Maybe I'm weird in thinking that, maybe I'm not.

College is, like I said, soon on the horizon. I'm starting to pick them out and decide which one I want. SIU is pretty cool, but the smaller price tag of the community college is beckoning to me. I will just have to cross that bridge when the time comes.
I will be a CNA by the beginning of summer this coming year, so hello job that pays well. I love working with the people in a hospital, as well as the hustle and bustle. It keeps me from getting bored. The nursing home, however, has that lovely atmosphere that makes me think I might work there. We'll see...I'll keep that updated.
School at the community college is going well so far. I managed to pass my first college semester, so I hope to keep that going. A new semester will start in January, as will new adventures and opportunities for me. The home-schooling stuff isn't too bad either, so I feel pretty confident in everything regarding my education.

I do believe that is it, for now. Another post on some other things will appear within the next few days, so keep reading!
Cheerio!

Renwen

My month of June seems to be getting shorter and shorter, quicker and quicker! I can't believe a whole week has gone by...I still have so much to do and so much to get ready for. I don't know if I'll be able to handle it all, but a few pills and some cocktails might help a bit. Just kidding! I also seem to be losing my head when it comes to scheduling things. I used to think that my life, compared to some, was quite relaxed and flexible. Now, it seems like my list just keeps getting longer and longer, then I look farther ahead and realize that it will just keeping piling up. Of course, when I reach that point, I sit back, put away the calendar, and just breathe. Also, heading to church or just taking a few moments to realize it's just a grain of sand in a vast beach helps quite a bit. Then, I grab the calendar, think "It can be scheduled in a way to fit together and I WILL get this all done," and start scheduling. Sometimes I feel like Mo from WALL-E. The little guy keeps cleaning and cleaning but he can never seem to catch up with it all. Yet, even in what seems like an insurmountable task, he just keeps going and going like the Energizer Bunny. Maybe I should take a cue from them both...

On a different topic, I believe I need to understand and execute the word "no." I believe the reason most people always say "yes" when they are adults is because they spent most of their early developmental stages saying "no." Babies learn to say "no" as soon as they learn "mama" and "dada." So, in order to compensate for the over indulgence of "no's" in my childhood, I end up saying "yes" to everything. Yes to planning the meeting, yes to playing at this place, yes to working this function, yes to doing this, yes to going here, yes to making that, yes yes yes yes! AAA!! Someone help me before I explode with yes!! "No" has to be the shortest word with the most meaning to it in the entire dictionary. I also have this little thing called guilt come in when I say the word "no." It's like I'm taking the person's heart out and crushing it! I guess I just need to come to terms with that guilt and suck it up a lil, huh? Guess it also comes down to moderation...kind of like in shopping, you have to practice moderation. Instead of buying what you think is cute and looks good with a lot of outfits, just buy what you came for, wait a little while, then go and get the cute thing you wanted so badly. Ah, I do believe I understand the meaning of "no" now.

That's all, folks!

Renwen

OK, this note's for the girls tonight.

What makes a guy try to win a girl who is already taken? Here we have the guy who's nickname could be "desperado." He finds a girl who is perfect in every single way imaginable...but she likes someone else. Desperado talks to the knight in shining armour(guy the girl likes) and gets a slight idea of how shiny the knight's armour really is. He then thinks "Ok, if I show her how shiny my armour is, maybe she'll choose me over him." This is followed by Desperado doing everything and anything imaginable to get the gal's attention. There are two choices at this point, girls: a) ignore it or b) acknowledge it but say it still doesn't change your mind. Choice A is sometimes the easier route to go. Eventually the guy will get tired and just go to another girl. Sometimes, however, the guy just tries even harder which means you should go on to Choice B. Say "Ok, that's cool, but it still doesn't change my mind. I would love to have you as a friend, but this is just going to far. I've told you countless times that it isn't working, but you refuse to listen. If you continue this, there will be consequences." This sounds harsh, yes, but sometimes, this is the only way to get through to the guy. Then, if worse comes to worst, just tell the guy that this is making him even less attractive. Again, sounds harsh, but, in the end, when he looks back, he will most likely thank you for being the girl to give him a good smack in the right direction.


Author's Note: If you do try this and it doesn't work, DO NOT SUE ME! These are my own thoughts and opinions, not a definite plan to get rid of the annoying guy in your life.

Renwen

How, when, where, and why?

OK ok ok...all I can say is I have been butt lazy. I had plenty of chances to post, and I never did. My apologies. Moving on....

Music has been keeping me on my toes. I am trying to overcome the "mountain" of expression. When it comes to expressing my music, I feel like I'm in my birthday suit. Not cool. But, hey, so what. I might as well just get over it...psh, easier said than done. My recital piece is a lot of fun however. The notes aren't very interesting, but I find I'm enjoying it because it means that I HAVE to express it, otherwise my audience will drop in a dead sleep...don't want that. So, basically, I get to make a soap opera. I love my music.

School...oh where would we be without it? I am still plugging away at it. I have a busy summer lined up already, so I need to get done before June or hopefully in the middle of June. Speaking of a busy summer....

OK, in the month of July, I am literally swamped. The only week I have free in July is the week of the 4th...that's it. My second week is taken up with the 4-H County Fair. The third week consists of doing a guitar camp. My fourth will hopefully be spent in Wisconsin doing a Catholic youth camp. Oh yah, to make matters even better, I need to get $185 if I want to attend the camps. Then, it's August and I'm starting Lakeland Comm. college and my jr. yr of high school. Oh boy....

Also, as a sidenote...I have, in the past, talked about an offer I received of becoming a computer programmer of sorts. I do believe that I would love to do that. I would learn something that would benefit me in the long run and I would get better pay for it than making sandwiches(no offense to my dear sister). But, we'll see how that goes. Still need to pray about that.

Oh, and this is a little something for a certain someone...it's one of my favorite songs, and I hope this gives you the little pick-me-up that you need. Love ya, girl! :-D

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place - "Stand" by Rascal Flatts